Musical Churches

The Texas byways are littered with these signs. "Caution: church!" just like "Caution: merging traffic!" or "Caution: dip!" Yellow diamonds mean watch what you are doing. Confused the hell out of me. After all this is the bible belt, not China. But why would these signs be up?

Then it came to me. Musical churches! This is how it works. Every Sunday Texans pile into their trucks and tune in to 1650 am. The GJ (that's God Jockey) gets things started.

Gooooood morning Christians! You can call me Saint Billy Bob. I got my white ten gallon clean as a whistle, and my snake skin boots gleamin' like the radiance from the holiness himself! As y'all know, it ain't Sunday without Musical Churches, so lets get it started! If Jesus was a truck, what truck would he be? If you think Ford, head north; Chevy, head south: Dodge, head east; GMC, head west. If you think Jesus would be a Toyota, think again- our savior is domestic!"

Then Saint Billy Bob starts the music, and Texans hit the roads. When the Merle Haggard stops they pull into the first marked church and listen to the sermon. When it is over, they hop back in their trucks and tune in again.

Saint Billy Bob here again, time for another round! Now listen up, 'cause this is a tough one. What is the one word that Jesus would use to describe President W? cool, north; righteous, south; strategery, east; or Christamentalistic, west. If you don't think any of these, 'yer a Dem-o-crat, and that ain't right. Sit this one out and think about what you gone 'n done.

You see, every round the questions are different- makes it fun. But all good things must come to an end and at the end of the last sermon all the churches tune into Saint Billy Bob with anticipation to hear the winning church.

OK, now your all winners in the eyes of the Lord, but the most winnin-est winners this week are in the Round Top Church in Round Top! Congratulations, y'all won a Jesus on the cross car air freshners to hang from your rear view mirror! Thank y'all for riding 'long with Jesus and I'll see you next week!

What? It could happen.